Pa, I remember the times that I rode with you, sitting on the front of you motorcycle with my hair blowing in the wind as we travelled from town to the army camp and back. I was very young then, maybe five or six years old, but I was not scared, with you sitting behind me and your strong arms around me.
I remember, too, the times we went swimming at Burmese pool. I used to sit with Ma and Ping(my older brother) by the side of the pool to watch your friends and you swim and play. How I wished then I could swim like you.
The lake looks whitish, reflecting the white clouds above and there must be billions of ripples in it. I can see small waves form as the breeze blows across the lake. I can also see the rushes by the side of the lake swaying gently. However, the anglers are missing, deterred by the rain. I remember the time in 1969 when I was leaving for Kualu Lumpur to further my studies. I was surprised to find you waiting at the station to send me off.
Although you had casually asked me the time of departure, I had not expected you to be there because as I was growing up, we had slowly grown apart.
You were always busy working, so we seldom saw each other. I was asleep when you came back from work and you were asleep when I left for school in the morning. Furthermore, you had become like grandpa - a strict, no-nonsense disciplinarian.
The butterflies are missing. These fragile creatures must be shelthering from the rain somewhere. The birds are quiet, too. The drenching they received must have dampened their mood to sing and they must be sitting on the branches of the trees, cold and miserable.
It was in my fourth year at University Malaya that I had to undergo an operation to remove a gluteal abscess followed by a skin graft. Imagine my surprise when I awoke to find you sitting beside my bed! I did not know how long I had slept or how long you had been sitting there. I was just glad that you were there.
My shoes are wet from stepping on too man puddles, I must have been daydreaming. The coloura of the flowers do not seem as bright today and some of them are soggy. The branches of the trees are bowed down, especially the Rain Trees, and the tips of their branches are almost touching the surface of the lake.
It was early 1975 and I had just started to work in Kuala Terengganu when I was informed of your illness. You were stricken with meningitis. I traveled to Kuala Lumpur to visit you at the General Hospital. The doctors said that they had to operate. The chances were 50:50 and that you might not fully recover; you might even be paralysed of worse.
I knew the graveness of the situation and was quietly worried. You looked normal but you could not remember anything we told you and would repeat the same question over and over again. You also kept asking for the time and I knew you were worried that visiting hours would be over and we would leave. I could sense that you were frightened which shocked me as you were a strong man. I hated what the disease had done to you.
I have reached the end of my walk now, gone past the playground again and out onto the sidewalk. I am now passing the big drain that flows beside the park. It is low tide and I can see the sandy bottom of the drain. I t reminds me of a video that i had recently watched. It showed a phone standing on a remote sandy beach. That phone connects to afterlife and you can talk to departed through it. The singer was bidding teary farewell to her late father.
Pa, it has been 34 years now. If I ever come across that phone, I want to tell you that I love you, and that I miss you.
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