Say No To Bullying

Extracted from The Star Wednesday 11 May 2011

Memories of sitting under the staircase, holding on to the pieces of my shattered self-confidence still play in my mind whenever I hear the word "bully". Having grown up being chubby in comparison to my stick-thin cousins, I was subjected to both harsh comments and other rather cryptic ones.

One of the most common ones are, "Oh, you're looking... healthy!". All I could do was reply with a mere "thank you" in a bid to not come across as impolite.

Although adults in my family never directly taunted me about my weight or size, my cousin who weren't as kind all reflect back on other words with remorse now that we're older.

I'm glad to say I've moved on, and the feelings of hatred have dissipated as the years passed. Still, it doesn't give anyone the right to physically, mentally or verbally bully an individual. Bullying takes place in any situation or form, and at any stage of one's life. Although the way we react to it differs from time to time, in the end, it all comes down to same thought : "It hurts."

There are many reasons why bullying is such a common occurrence, especially in schooling environment.

There are school-going adolescents who are attention seekers, jealous peers, and those hat succumb to peer pressure just too easily. As such, some of us fall "prey" to those who appear to be higher up in the "social hierarchy".

In that sense, school is similar to the food chain in the wild. The weaker ones get picked on and trampled over by the ones who seemingly have more power. Bullying in schools appears to be more common these days. We read about it int he local and international media and watch first hand video accounts of it online. Although we express sympathy and disgust, we often overlook the root cause.

When I was studying in Malaysia, I've witnessed quite a few of my peers transfering schools after constantly being verbally bullied.

Being picked on for your taste in music, body image, language fluency and even intelligence level was not uncommon at my old school. Nothing protected my peers in these situation; there were no school rules or policies dealing with bullying. There was only so much could do as friends to stick up for them as once the people who "ruled the school" spoke, everyone else followed suit.

Thankfully, I've never seen my schoolmates take drastic actions in response to all the tormenting. But I have seen the tormentors walk free, leaving the victims to resolve the situation by changing schools. Perhaps this is the cause of the never-ending chain of bullying in Malaysian schools and schools throughout the world. T

The offenders never get put off from doing what they do because there is an appeal to committing such actions and not being disciplined for it. Students are getting bolder, recording videos of these bullying "sessions" and posting it up on social networks. This indicates that the offenders simply have no fear of getting caught.

They openly reveal their faces and school uniforms and are seen to be taking pleasure in inflicting pain on others. There is little, if any, attempt at being discreet. Looking at it from an offender's perspective, one would be more inclined to repeat their actions if they've done it before and gotten away with it.

If a victim does not report a case, or takes some form of action against bullying, the offender is likely to repeat his or her actions. While the subject of bullying is occasionally brought up as an issue in schools, it generally only happens when a major incident occurs. This might put the offenders off for a short period of time, but they are likely to resume their usual routines, eventually.

In Australia, I feel that there is a cerain feeling of safety when I walk into my classroom as compared to when I was studying in Malaysia. Here, an anti-bullying charter is read out in each class room at the beginning of each school year. The charter states that there is an expectation that all members of the school community respect and tolerate individual differences.

Definitions of bullying are outlined in the student diaries we carry around everyday to our classes and a copy of the anti-bullying charter can be found in there too. The effort to eradicate bullying in schooling environment in Australia is taken very seriously and is not something to be taken lightly.

Most schools here have a zero-tolerance policy to bullying and enforce compulsory counselling or even expulsion in extreme situations to discipline students. Without the stress of dealing with bullies, a student's schooling experience can be so much more enjoyable. After all, we already have enough homework and eam stress to last us till oour golden ages.

It is difficult to enforce something as abstract as "anti-bullying", but perhaps more needs to be done within school communities to stress psychological effects that bullying has on young mind.

There is still much more work to be done before we reach a point where students are able to be educated in a protected learning environment.

How a stem cell transplant altered two lives, for the better.

So, here's another story that I am going to share to you guys, the whole world.

Extracted from The Star, Wedenesday 11 May 2011

The meeting between the seven-year-old boy and the 31-year-old man began awkwardly, as meetings of strangers often do. But then young Jacob Kowalik sized up the adult, and began to drop his guard. They played tic-tac-toe. They talked about hockey. Jacob and his parents invited Marshall Davis to their house for pizza, Jacob's fovourite meal. There also was a gift, a husky dog stuffed animal, although it was not for young Jacob. It was from him, a small token of thanks to this man who had given Jacob a gift that the boy was too young to understand fully.

Jacob's parents knew what Davis had done for their son, but how would they convey the magnitude of their gratitude? "What do you say to someone who saves your child's life?" Jennifer Kowalik later asked.

So she kept it simple.

"Thank you," she said, reaching out to give Davis a hug.

Gift of Life.

It all started with a swab of the cheek more than a decade ago, almost four years before Jacob was born. The a young collegiate fencer at the University of Florida with his sights set on law school, Davis saw that a bone marrow registry called Gift of Life was having a drive on campus. He and some friends offered their DNA samples; it seemed like the thing to do. He filled out the required paperwork and gave it little more thought.

Then, in the summer of 2009, he received a phone call. A five year old boy needed stem cells, and Davis was a match. This was his chance to save a little boy's life.

"Wow," Davis thought. "How cool."

He was excited, but he was scared, too, as he considered the seriousness of the commitment he faced. There was medical risk to him, although generally managable, he was told. Treaments before and during the cell harvest could be uncomfortable.

But if he did not do it, the chances of finding an equally good match, quickly, were slim.

For Jacob, this was the equivalent of winning the lottery. Doctors said the abnormalities in his marrow eventually would develop into acute leukaemia without the transplant. Davis matched seven of eight of Jacob's characteristics that are considered when pairing donors and recipients; even Jacob's immediate family members were not nearly as good as a match.

Davis knew he had to go through with it.

"We found a donor!" Becki Maloney, a nurse in Chicago's Children's Memorial Hospital, told Jacob's parents. They, too, were thrilled but, like Davis, initially hesitant. At this point, Jacob was not showing any external signs that he was sick. In fact, he appeared to be the picture of health, a gregarious, sports-loving first grader with a bis smile and a mischievous glint in his eyes. For him, a stem cell transplant came with its own risks and challenges, among them a common, potentially fatal complication called graft-versus-host-disease.

But his parents also knew this had to be done. This donor, and his stem cells, represented Jacob's best chance at life.

The procedure.

In the suburban Philadelphia where he lived with his wife Helen,Davis began treatments. As the stem cells multiplied in his blood stream, he felt archy, almost as if he had the flu- an expected symptom.

In October 2009, when it was time to harvest the stem cells, he travelled with his parents to the University of Maryland Medical Center in Baltimore. There, he was hooked up to a machine that, for six hours drew his blood and sifted out his stem cells before returning that blood to his body.

The stem cells were out on ice and flown to Chicago, where Jacob and his family were waiting. At this point, the process was still anonymous and would remain so for a year, although the Kowaliks were able to send cards to Davis, who had returned to normal life as an attorney and as fencing coach at Swarthmore College.

"Thank you for saving my brother," Jacob's older brother, Zach, said in a handmade card.

Finally, a year after the transplant, Davis and the Kowaliks were allowed to contact one another. They were in touch by e-mail at first and shared details about their lives.

Jacob, Davis learned, had indeed developed graft-versus-host-disease. He had lost his sandy brown hair and his skin had turned blotchy and red, and is still sometimes so raw it bleeds. He also wears special glasses to protect his light-sensitive eyes.

Typically, Jacob is very strong, his parents say. Occasionally the tears flow.

"He bottles it up," says his dad, Michael Kowalik, a salesman in the semiconductor business. "So it's a release. He needs to get it out.

Jacob also asks a lot of questions. "Why did I get sick?" he sometimes asks his parents. "When will I get better?"

He was aware that some of the other children he has met at the hospital have not made it. But increasingly, his parents feel confident he will. His doctors do, too.

"It is very favourable for him now. The biggest concern is if he gets an infection," says Dr Reggie Duerst, clinical director of the stem cell transplant unit at Children's Memorial.

First meeting.

Last month, Davis, his wife and his mother flew to Chicago for a national fencing championship and to meet Jacob and his family. Together, they visited the hospital where Jacob was treated; a reporter and photographer were invited along.

Jacob was shy. But his parents thought it important to share their story so that others might register to be donors.

"By telling your story, you could save another kid's life" Jacob's mum told him, on the way from their home in Chicago suburbs.

He stopped what he was doing. "What?" he asked.

"I think that's when he truly got it," his mom says. "The light bulb finally went off."

Jacob goes to the hospital twice a week for photopheresis treatments; his blood is exposed to light and medicine to help the donor cells adapt to his body. He also is on steroids, though he is being weaned from them.

During treatment, he played cards and joked around with Davis. Even after a single weekend together, there was a surprising comfort level there. The families already were planning their next visit together on the East Coast.

"So the beach next summer?" Davis asked Jacob. "I'll go, if you go."

"Maybe," Jacob said, grinning. "Maybe never."

He giggled. Davis shook his head and smiled, too.

Jacob now goes to school two days a week. Next year, he dreams of being back on the baseball diamond and soccer field. The Kowaliks thanked Davis and his family repeatedly, until his mother, Carol, had had enough: "No more thank-yous," she said.

"It felt good to know it was appreciated," her son added. " But this has been life-changing for us, too."